yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
