Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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