In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Cover your peen. We're going out.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
