Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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