She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
The Olympian is in my bed
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