you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
