Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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