One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize
