Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
