Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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