THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
