I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
