im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
