did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
