I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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