Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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