was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
