Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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