I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Sorry about my life...
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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