End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
