stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
