So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
