...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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