i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
