Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
