my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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