i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
the liver wants what the liver wants
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
