My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
