he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
