just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
