I wish i was in the wii world.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
