dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Boobs are out for the taking
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
