if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
