Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
