Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You took a bar mat shot.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
We were destined to go to rehab together
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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