Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
