420 ftw
Yo dont text me then not text me
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
