I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
