my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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