Dual....:-)
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
