So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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