Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
