last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I will pee on everything he values.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
