that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
