Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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