I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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