so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
