so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I deserve this hangover.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
