Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
