What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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