Where are you?
In a non slutty way
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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