I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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