As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
